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No subject worth mentioning...
<This might work for those pesky trucks, too!>
DAVE BARRY: "Cars and Nuclear Weapons"
[From Dave Barry's book _Greatest Hits_]
I think its getting worse. I'm talking about this habit people have of
driving on interstate highways on the left, or "passing" lane, despite the
fact that they aren't passing anybody. You used to see this mainly in a few
abnormal areas, particularly Miami, where it is customary for everyone to
drive according to the laws of his or her own country of origin. But now
see it everywhere: drivers who are not passing, who have clearly never
anybody in their entire lives, squatting in the left lane, little globules
fat clogging up the transportation arteries of our very nation. For some
reason, a high percentage of them wear hats.
I'm proposing a solution to this problem: nuclear weapons. Specifically,
thinking of atomic land torpedoes, which would be mounted on the front
bumpers of cars operated by drivers who have demonstrated that they have the
maturity and judgement necessary to handle tactical nuclear weapons in a
traffic environment. I would be one of those drivers.
Here is how I would handle a standard left lane blockage problem: I would
behind the driver and flash my lights. If that failed, I'd honk my horn
until the driver looked in his rear view mirror and saw me making helpful,
suggestive hand motions indicating that he is in the passing lane, and if he
wants to drive at 55, he should do it in a more appropriate place, such as
the waiting room of a dental office. If that failed, I'd sound the warning
siren, which would go, and I quote, "WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP!" Only if
all of these measures failed would I proceed to the final step, total
vaporization of the car (unless, of course, there was a BABY ON BOARD).
Just a thought for a Kinder, Gentler nation with a lot of nuke power to