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Funniest Thing You've seen all day!!!!
I don't usually allow this stuff, but given the tension on
the list, I thought you'd enjoy seeing the tale of PDQ II
in...jive. (original message edited for length)
----- Forwarded message from Paul_Royal@isserv9.idx.com -----
Date: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 13:57:45 -0400
Subject: Funniest Thing You've seen all day!!!!
Much, much thanks to my friend Heather Hill for this...I'm writing this
from the floor of my office ..haven't
been able to stand up from laughter......I owe you one Heather!!!
I have found a program that translates ordinary English into "jive"....I've
taken the liberty of
having the latest Q-digest translated for your enjoyment!
You can do the same thing by mailing any letter to: email@example.com
It will return the document in jive..........in moments!
quattro-digest Friday, 3 January 1997 Volume 03 : Number
* Welcome t'de digest version uh de quattro list.
* See da damn end uh de digest fo' unsubscribe info.
* In dis issue, dig dis:
Fwd, dig dis: PDQ II - adventure (lost in space agin)
Warnin' lights & no charge
Re, dig dis: Agree WId Liva' Lips here. What it is, Mama!..
Re, dig dis: Stupuh'chargers
Re, dig dis: Agree WId Liva' Lips here. What it is, Mama!..
Audi vs. BWM--here we go again. 'S coo', bruh...
What Jeff said
Re, dig dis: Sad but true, TQC < TQ
RE: If it WASN'T some Quattro - would ya' steal one?
Re, dig dis: Do not Agree WId Liva' Lips here. What it is, Mama!..
From, dig dis: QSHIPQ@aol.com
Date, dig dis: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 08:04:48 -0500
Subject, dig dis: Fwd, dig dis: PDQ II - adventure (lost in space agin)
Fo'warded message, dig dis:
Subj, dig dis: PDQ II - de great honky adventure repo't
Date, dig dis: 97-01-02 22:52:52 EST
From, dig dis: QSHIPQ
To, dig dis: quattro@coimbra. Sheeeiit.ans.net
CC: dan@di. Ya' know?com
Sheeit, plum had t' snatch de Urq fo' some maiden voyage, had it 3.5 weeks
now, changed da damn oil, dat's it.... Lots uh peeps into de garage t'make
sure it wuz still mine, but mah' real job gots'ta really prevented mah'
true playin' wid de new toy. Slap mah fro!... Have WC RS2 turbo eyebally
fo' install, as sheeit as stock sprin's and tires and wheels and big-ass
brakes and dat 3" turbo back 'eshaust crossin' de pond as ah' scribble
dis.... None uh which ah' gots' had time t'do, but da damn oppo'tunity
presented t'fly de new pdqship t'no'dern MI t'help de folks spend fidelity
dollars (audio dat is) in deir newly constructed plantation.....
Left dis past Monday nite fum Chicago, promises uh 12inches uh snow New
Years Eve Eve as ah' approached Traverse City. Slap mah fro!... ah' gots'
some back route, and I decided t' snatch it, do unplowed, fo' some pro'ally
(I packed Buffums scribblin' in de trunk fo' comfo't).... Car, dig dis:
My new 84 Ur-q, To'nado Red, grindin' turbo (hot side hits).... And some
true commitment t'show dose spo't utes whut awd be all about....
Mo'e dan ah' anticipated.... Decided t'put da damn snows on Carole's ride
(ex-pdq, now waitin' fo' new it's owna' to collect, hey duzn't hit anydin'
while I'm gone), course chicago had no snow at all.... Sheeit dat made fo'
an interestin' 'espuh'ience in de 2 inch lowered wheels wid 8X15 wheels and
225 15 tires.... Dank baaaadness I've had lots uh 'sperience wid Eagle GT
+4's (ex sponso' and all).... Found out some couple wahtahmelluns quickly.
Slap mah fro!.. Snow and wide tires mix likes vinegar and booze (duh).....
GT +4 are still a
pretty decent (predictable) tire in de snow stuff (in dry snow, it wuz,
dey handled sheeit).... First pull on de awd knobben reavealed anoder
project, not some din' happened.... Guess it's diagnal wheel jimmey diff
roll fo' me. What it is, Mama!...
Found dis t'be da damn best control, dig dis: wid drottle on wheels wuz
plum fine, drottle off wuz some slidin' wahtahmellun, mostly controlled....
Brakin', sheeit snow buildup deo'y wuz utilized by default.... Neutral
drottle controlled as sheeit as full, so's de trick wuz anticipashun uh
inputs, ya' dun did anydin' mo'e t'de lift dan neutral, physics would
remind me uh de tire size. What it is, Mama!... Wow, whut some ride!!!!!
And yes, ah' wuz THE fastest and most controlled car on de county road, and
yes some couple uh suv-egos dun did bite da damn dust tryin' to catch dat
red "din'" dat wizzed by in honky cloud....
I learned alot on dat trip, fust bein' de sense dat maybe da damn Urq
should not be rolln as wildlyas pdq wuz, in deference t'dose gourgeous
and 'espensive fenda' lines.... My "sheet metal be sheet medal" wuz
gittin' a true mentality test.... Wid de 5ktq, no prisoners would gots'
snatchn, and 9-10/10ds pro'ally be due course fo' mah' snowy rides..... I
know wid time (toy status an all), dis gots'ta change (heck, ah' could git
de Crown Vic Wagon tow vehicle t'4wheel drift.....), and plum as
impo'tantly, I'm confident dis gots'ta be one REALLY fast ride when I'm
done wid de tweeks..... Smiles abounded at da damn predicatability, even
wid de butched sprin' mods de fo'ma' owna' had done. What it is, Mama!...
Afta' 3 years uh tweekin' de 5ktq t'get it right, ah' felt confident dat da
damn Urq would be one uh de easiest t'modify co'rectly quickly. Slap mah
Sideways mo'e dan some few times, de reducshun in de size uh de commitment
of medal becomes sublety obvious..... De ease uh co'recshun wuz as
familiar as mah' 2 5ktq's.... De absence uh mo'e dan nominal turbo boost
gots'ta be co'rected (I kept it real low cuz uh de interference
wahtahmellun, prolly a couple pounds max) quickly, but da damn tires made
big-ass boost needs at bay fo' dis trip.... Even wid de diag wheel roll
and wide tires, passed de hillclimb test at da damn folks unplowed new
plantation, and mah' hippy uncle's 2 track uphill rollway. Slap mah fro!..
I submit dat ah' gots'ta miss one uh de wildest 5ktq's built as it goes to
it's new owna' (still mine t'tweek do, dig dis:).... But, de best uh dose
projects gots'ta find it's way t'caroles car, and in deference t'de audi
gods, ah' believe dat ah' gots'ta be fo'given fo' mah' trespasses on dis
heretical partial trade uh body styles.... ah' gots' Mssrs Anderson and
Davis firmly in mah' sights as ah' endusiastically upgrade dis rare classic
standards..... And yes, de plate wuz transferred as uncerimoniously as
de "ex" wuz fum de garage t'street parkin'.... End uh Repo't
Happy New Year t'all
2 X '87 5ktqRS2
1 X '84 Ur-q
1 X '85 FJ1387cc