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Press release, Audi content at end
Press Release: Immediate Distribution.
Questions: Contact MSFT, (206) 555-1212
Subject: Microsoft to buy the U.S. Government
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 27, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations
made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today
that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States
of America for an undisclosed sum.
"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft
chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White
House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press
that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be managed as a
wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly
and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with
Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting
directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of
executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a
relief". He went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and
that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their "full support and
confidence". Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000
he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.
Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond
as "silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for the
U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates
went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished.
"Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how well we're
When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place".
representatives closed the conference by stating that United States
citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government
services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company
offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and
personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and
more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal
computing and free society every day.
About the United States
Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and
opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the
United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.
Audi content: Brake wear warning light in my 5 Ks was caused by incorrectly
manufactured brake pads. On the LF pad, the contact which touches the disc
(completing the circuit and triggering the light"(O)" ) was molded into
the pad in such a position that with about 10% of the pad worn down, the
contact touched the disc. Plenty of lining left! Replaced pad, end of problem.