Humorous waste of bandwidth, some auto-related.....

[MHLIGGINS@aol.com]

> Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers journal,
> the following are questions 
> actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain
> cases, the 
> responses given by insightful witnesses. The following are things people
> actually said in court, word for word:
> >
> >Q: What is your date of birth?
> >A: July 15th.
> >Q: What year?
> >A: Every year.
> >
> >Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
> morning?
> >A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> >Q: And why did that upset you?
> >A: My name is Susan.
> >
> >Q: And where was the location of the accident? 
> >A: Approximately milepost 499.
> >Q: And where is milepost 499?
> >A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. 
> >
> >Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights
> flashing?
> >A: Yes.
> >Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? 
> >A: Yes, sir.
> >Q: What did she say?
> >A: What disco am I at?
> >
> >Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
> >A: Yes.
> >Q: And what were you doing at that time? 
> >
> >Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
> >A: Oral.
> >
> >Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
> which I sent to your attorney?
> >A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
> >
> >Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
> >A: No.
> >Q: Did you check for blood pressure? 
> >A: No.
> >Q: Did you check for breathing?
> >A: No.
> >Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
> autopsy?
> >A: No.
> >Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> >A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> >Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
> >A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
> somewhere.