[200q20v] Chris's Rules, was Bernie's rules

Bernie Benz b.m.benz at prodigy.net
Mon Jul 16 17:40:09 EDT 2001

Bernie's Rules are authered by Bernie, so I've taken the liberty to rename
these rules after their author.  But thanks for the help, I would not have
come up with most of these.


> From: Chris Covington <malth at umich.edu>
> Date: Mon, 16 Jul 2001 10:08:42 -0400 (EDT)
> To: "Cordeiro, Alan" <Alan.Cordeiro at mts.com>
> Cc: "'200q20v at audifans.com'" <200q20v at audifans.com>, <audi20v at rennlist.org>
> Subject: [200q20v] Bernie's rules
> 1) Don't change the oil, only top it off.  Top it off with free oil
> obtained from junkyard cars / from landfills.
> 2) Don't replace the tires until they blowout, then change only the
> one that blows out.
> 3) Don't change the wiper blades until they scratch the windshield.  Then
> get rainx which is cheaper than wiper blades.
> 4) If you have a boost leak, etc. don't do anything because the car still
> runs.
> 5) Don't change the spark plugs until all 5 foul, and the car doesn't run
> at all.   With 4 cylinders we still have 1.8Ts.  You can still get by with 2
> or 3 cylinders too.  Use old lawnmower plugs in the garage.
> 6) If your radiator fan doesn't work, just don't drive in traffic, or shut
> the car off until you have plenty of space in front of you.
> 7) If you're in Seattle, and you have a radiator leak, just carve a
> huge hole in the hood and put a spout on it to direct rain into the
> cooling system.
> 8) If your synchros go, just double-clutch.
> 9) If your clutch goes, just clutchless shift and pop start.
> 10) Bodywork?  Only if the car doesn't drive.
> 11) Don't wash your car unless you can't see out the windows/windshield.
> 12) Don't wax anything.  When the bodypart rusts off, then replace with
> non-painted one or miscolored used one.
> 13) Don't clean/condition the leather seats until they crack, then just
> sew the cracks shut.
> 14) If you need a rear brake job, just disconnect the rear brakes
> (fronts do 80%) and leave the car in gear instead of using the parking
> brake.
> 15) Never replace shocks, bushings, etc. unless they snap.  You'll have a
> more luxurious ride anyway.
> 16) If your blower motor goes, open window.
> Can anyone think of more?
> Chris
> '91 200q20v
> On Sun, 15 Jul 2001, Cordeiro, Alan wrote:
>> Bernie,
>> I wish I had replaced my clutch master cylinder before it went south
>> last Friday. I made it home by continuing to drive the rest of the way in
>> second gear. I was fortunate had a straight road, and did not have any
>> signals between me and home. The hydraulic part is OK, the threaded
>> rod between the piston and the clevis pin snapped right where
>> the lock nut sets it on the clevis pin.
>> So much for prolonging the life of the hydraulic system by replacing
>> the fluid every 4-5 years. The stupid things fail mechanically....
>> I have a master cylinder on order, hopefully on its way..
>> Has this type of failure happened to anyone else??
>> Alan Cordeiro
>> '91 200q 153k miles, temporarily not drivable..
>> New struts, control arm bushings subframe bushings, all in a box
>> in the basement, hoping for that "new car feel"
>>> I would suggest that an alternative plan might well be to jack up the horn
>>> and drive a new 200 under it.  Don't fix it if it ain't broke!
>>> Bernie
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