[s-cars] Audifans.com in the news

Brett Dikeman brett at cloud9.net
Tue Apr 1 13:40:43 EST 2003

At 11:49 AM -0500 4/1/03, Tim Leonard wrote:

>Keep up the losses, you are good at it.

Absolutely, we're doing our part.

And for chrissakes, don't send us money to offset costs, whatever you

A couple of new stories drifted over the course of this morning:

Nissan: New Maxima is April 1st prank, backfires
	Nissan Motors USA announced the redesigned Maxima  to be an
April 1st joke, apologizes for mass hysteria commercial caused, will
reimburse medical costs for those who viewed commercial

Lucas comes out: we made the Turbo Quattro Coupe
	"You didn't know?  We thought it was obvious" says Lucas rep.
In related news- door handle snaps in North Lancastshire;  "Figures",
grumbles UrQ owner.  Lucas response: "Proof positive our best
engineering went into the car."

BMW bought by VAG, new company to be BVAGMW
	Announcement rushed after rumors spread following wide
adoption of NA powerplants in Audi models.  Piesch: "We bought every
other damn car company, why not BMW?"  Comments uttered during
ceremony burning all copies of i-Drive computer code in front of
cheering crowd.  Also announced- all BMW models to be turbocharged,
FWD by Q2 2003.  Piesch: "they look the same, so most BMW customers
won't care"

Bangle works for Mercedes
	Evidence uncovered by VAG after takeover shows Bangle secret
agent; world automotive press yawns, asks what's new today.  US
declares Bangle a Weapon of Crappy Design and forces Daimler out of
US- "This will send a clear message- hands off on our
massively-bailed-out-by-the-US-govt corporations", says Bush.

Northeast Region takes over US national club, renames it Audi Club
New England(ACNE)
	Earley: "Today national, tomorrow the world!"  Chadwick: "I
KNEW it."  UPDATE: Plan foiled by sleeper agent Linkov, deep inside
enemy territory(Connecticut)...club immediately re-renamed to Coolest
Audi Car Club North American Continent(CACCNAC)...details developing.

Ford Motor Company scandal!
	Government auditors discover awful truth in cooked books-
Quality is really #2

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

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