team doorhandle

cobram at cobram at
Sat Dec 29 12:25:51 PST 2007

thejimrose <thejimrose at> writes:
> well i WAS just teasing, the 44 is a great car but i did have a few
> counterpoints..

Posted this homage to my late type 44 5KS about a decade ago, seems
fitting to repeat it now:

Safety designs decades ahead of it's time, ignoring occupants attempts to
deviate forced air anywhere but  full defrost to eliminate any chance of
interrupted visibility.  The sunroof is designed to close slowly, with a
motor constructed like a slot machine pay tray to make it known to all
occupants when it's operating, a childs'' balloon is enough to stop it in
it's tracks lest some drunk teenager be decapitated while screaming
yeeehaww through it on prom night.   Ever had the embarrassment of
engaging a starter while the engine was already running?  Well, worry no
more friends, the pinnacle of German engineers have designed lifters and
exhaust manifolds (if they fail certain models contain backup vacuum
pumps) to clack at predetermined frequencies so the operator (and those
within a 75 foot radius) know the engine is operating.   Beep, Beep, Beep
backup warning, no, no need for these crude devices, for the clamping
system that joins the rear muffler to the rest of the exhaust is
painstakingly designed to not fully seal and emit a audible growl to give
der Kinder the chance to scurry out of the way.  And how many times have
you cursed the motherless bastard who's coming at you in the dark with
his high beams on, causing you and others to drive blindly through the
atomic glare?  Well even if grammy Mae forgets the high beams on, 
drivers on the opposite side of the flow may actually signal her to turn
ON her lights,  this illumination will also save
drivers and wildlife, as a deer will not freeze in headlights it can't
see.   Heater cores designed to leak just enough to coat themselves in
sticky antifreeze, thus operating as highly efficient pollen filters. 
Fresh air flap springs designed like shear bolts to snap  when they sense
dangerous levels of corrosive elements in the air.   Along with these and
the numerous other carefully engineered systems, the car has no
surprises, and you never feel alone.  Deja Vu is a way of life, because
no matter what happens, you've seen it before and fixed it before.  When
you find yourself thinking that changing the steering rack for the 3rd
time is "just maintenance" you have arrived at a higher plane,
grasshopper.  The uninitiated will never understand.
Democracy: 3 wolves and a sheep voting on what's for lunch.

More information about the quattro mailing list