Type 44 trivia contest

Britt Crowell britt at BrittCrowell.com
Sun Aug 10 15:08:51 PDT 2014

You forgot to add the water boarding incident!

Message: 1
Date: Sun, 10 Aug 2014 18:58:37 +1200
From: Dave <dave.eaton at clear.net.nz>
To: <quattro at audifans.com>
Subject: Re: Type 44 trivia contest
Message-ID: <D00D67C3.1130F%dave.eaton at clear.net.nz>
Content-Type: text/plain;	charset="ISO-8859-1"

in the interests of full disclosure, particularly now that eric snowden
has revealed much...

the reservoir you uncovered is a part that the germans invented in the
height of the cold war in a top secret programme they hatched with the
cia.  the plan was to put small reservoirs in obscure german cars and
inside each reservoir to put small pieces of unobtanium. this was intended
to provide a homing signal for the 2nd coming of the german engineers who
had been abducted by aliens towards the end of the korean war.  due to
budget constraints experienced by the germans at time, only 2 engineers
were available: hans and klaus.  the aliens were to abduct hans and klaus,
extract their dna, eliminating the (many) recessive genes by using a
process of comparison with a lucas engineer they had abducted earlier, and
to create a new engineer - they were to call him gunter.

the plan was to meet up in area 51 using a homing signal beamed from the
unobtanium with the prototype new german engineer (gunter) who could
(finally) design electrical circuits better than the british.  the cia
agreed that only cars exported from germany to the usa would have the
reservoirs so that gunter would not be confused with Œmerican cars that
actually worked with fuses rated under 50 amps, had door handles that
continued to function after the warranty expiry, and engines which would
continue to work even after a large stiff spring was added to the waste

alas, the programme failed for 2 reasons: the circuit to to the reservoir
blew as it was paired with the headlight fuse which didn¹t have a relay.
this means that the unobtanium did not send a signal and gunter arrived,
not in area 51 as planned, but beside a shady tree in rural arkansas where
the only working reservoir existed thanks to a local mechanic called
billybob. to make matters worse, gunter had come prepared with the ability
to understand english but was unable to understand bullyboy (to be fair
not many people could).  therefore gunter drifted from arkansas and ended
up designing vote counting machines for the american electrical

the second factor, rarely mentioned, was that the owners of these rare
german cars were supposed to recognise the systemic failures of their cars
and sell them quickly to agent provocateurs who would collect the cars so
that the image of german engineering would not be forever tarnished.
unfortunately, the owners of these cars became rather fond of working on
them, grazing knuckles, undoing bolts that required an arm to be broken in
4 places to reach, to putting in ever heavier wastegate springs, and to
spending many hours in the back yard under a shady tree...

¹08 rs6 avant
¹12 vw passat alltrak

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